Angie:
Hi, and welcome to this episode of Resilience Reborn. I’m Angie.
Trey:
And I’m Trey.
Angie:
We are very, very thrilled today to have Eileen Smith on this episode, to talk, oh, my gosh, about so many things surrounding grief, and trauma and, and just the ways that you have, you know, put that into practice, you know, in with your personal stories as well. So if you would, Eileen, just start out and give us a little background about you and what brought you to where you are right now and kind of the story behind that.
Ilene Smith:
Okay. Well, first of all, thank you guys for having me here. I’m so honored that I got to be a guest today.
Trey:
Of course.
Angie:
Of course. Of course.
Ilene Smith:
We’re excited. Yeah. So how I got to where I am today is actually never as you think it’s going to be. And so I certainly didn’t expect that on June 18, 2016, that I’d be widowed suddenly at the age of 48. And this is probably a very crazy thing to say, but my husband’s death had brought me to a spiritual awakening. So I very quickly understood from the moment he died that he left this planet exactly where it was supposed to be, and he left me exactly where I was supposed to be on my journey. And it doesn’t mean it was painful. And I always I always share it this way because, like, to you can’t, you know, you can’t describe that level of pain to somebody who hasn’t been
Trey:
through it.
Ilene Smith:
But I would say this, day 1, I could barely open my eyes and I thought that heavy doom, like, pit in my stomach, like, punched in the stomach kind of feeling would happen before I even opened my eyes. And then, eventually, I got all the way to the coffee maker before that feeling set in. Right? And then, eventually, it was, you know, an hour, and it is just it took, it took time for that and the intensity of the pain to go away. And I I I would just get up and every time every day, I was like I would always say to myself, it’s gonna get better. So what brought me to where I am today was I mean, this has been a I’ve been widowed now 8 years.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And I would say that my biggest fear when my husband died was not that I wasn’t gonna find someone because I still, to this day, I still have hope that that person is gonna show up for me if he hasn’t already. Sure. And my biggest fear is that I wasn’t gonna have an interesting life. Oh. Because I had a very beautiful and interesting life. And I’m so proud of what I created for myself over the last 8 years. Mhmm. And it’s been, you know, I feel how I feel today, I can say this.
Ilene Smith:
I feel empowered by what I’ve gone through. Not that I wanted to ever experience that intense no. I don’t need to go through that again. You know, somebody who wants a widow once said to me, she says, yes. You’re now a part of a club that you wish you didn’t belong to.
Trey:
Alright.
Angie:
100%. We are a tribe. Yeah. Exactly. That we don’t wish on anyone. Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
No. But I think but I what I will would say is that I realized very quickly, and in that spiritual awakening, is that how it wasn’t it was really about how I chose to move through the experience
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And what I was gonna do with all of that, all of that grief. Because that grief can be one we can that grief can become so dark and so I mean, you can go deep into the hole. Mhmm. Or you can find a way out. Mhmm. And I chose to find a way out.
Trey:
So this was actually a decision you made . It’s just that you were gonna move through this with that kind of an outlook on it.
Ilene Smith:
It was a conscious excuse. It was a conscious decision Mhmm. Because I realized there was so much information from the universe being given to me. And, excuse me, one of the big things for me was that I was so independent from my upbringing, my childhood trauma. I never, you know, I never really relied on anyone. My husband’s probably the 1st person I allowed in to really that that I relied on. And I realized through the process of grief that the only way I was gonna heal was through connection and allowing myself to receive and being vulnerable. And then that moment when I realized that is when my healing journey began.
Ilene Smith:
But I surrendered. I just knew that I had to surrender to the pain of it.
Trey:
I think that that also comes with the maturity of, I guess, in your life when this happened, you know, because I know that with Angie and being the younger you, I just don’t have those tools.
Angie:
I’m sitting here in all of that because I was 25. Right? So the knowledge that you had to be able to make that decision because there’s no way that I ever did that.
Ilene Smith:
You know? How would you know? Right. How would you know? Yeah. Yeah. I think it’s different. You know? 48 is still really young. Yeah. But I think it’s really different from being widowed in your twenties and thirties. And I and I had done like, I’m a trauma I was a trauma therapist.
Ilene Smith:
I’m now doing other things, which I’ll share a little bit later. But I had done so much personal work that when this happened to me, I had a lot more tools than I actually realized I had.
mixed:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And I knew that this was gonna be a choice about how I move through this and what I created next for myself. Right. But it was scary. And it was lonely and it was sad and it was painful and it was dark at times.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
But, you know, maybe this sounds cliche, and we’ve heard people say this before. But where there’s darkness, there’s light. There’s light. But you have to find the light. Right. And that that part of it does become a choice.
Trey:
That’s such a powerful message.
Ilene Smith:
Right.
Angie:
Mhmm. So what were some of the things that you did to, like,
Ilene Smith:
to move forward? Like, you know what? I owned the pain. And I allowed it and rather than pushing it away, I invited it in. Because what I know is that the more you resist Yeah. The worse it becomes. And so if you can invite it in and just and allow yourself to be uncomfortable and be with it. It doesn’t mean you’re sitting in and your whole life becomes, oh my god. Look what happened to me. But there’s, you know, the intensity of the pain doesn’t last.
Ilene Smith:
If you can’t be in that much pain, like, consistently. It doesn’t work like that. It comes in waves. It comes in waves. Right? So I knew when that wave would wash over me, it was my responsibility to myself and to my soul to be able to be and be with it and say this is just part of the journey through. Because the only way past something is through it.
Trey:
Yeah. What you resist persists.
mixed:
Yeah. Absolutely.
Ilene Smith:
It’s really true. So, you know, back to your question, where am I or or today, 8 years later, is I’ve designed a life that is quite beautiful, and quite connected
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And quite joyful.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
But it didn’t just happen like that. It was you know, you have to do things along the way Mhmm. To make that happen. So, I mean, I know, one of the things that I’m really adamant about is my connections and my relationships with people. And, you know, it’s really easy to stay home and not do things and not accept not, you know, fly across the country if you can. If you have the means, if somebody’s having an anniversary party or or, you know, you’re invited to things, it’s much easier to isolate.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And so I realized and and there were there were plenty of times where I just wanted to put the covers over my head and say fuck it.
Trey:
Mhmm. Yep.
Ilene Smith:
And I’m I’m like and I would and there was never a time that I went against that inner inner force of, like, you just wanna check out from it, where I would show up for dinner parties or show up for whatever friends were that I didn’t feel better. I always felt better when I was in connection. And I would say that was the first 4 or 5 years, and then there was a point in time where I had to really be able to learn how to be quiet with myself as well. Oh. Yeah. Because going out there and being connected and being busy and all that was great, and it helped me so much Mhmm. To feel like I wasn’t alone in all this.
Trey:
Mhmm. Right.
Ilene Smith:
But then there’s also a moment in time that, okay, there’s a there’s a divide between, am I doing it just to be busy and distract myself from me versus that’s really great and it’s community and you have a collective versus where’s the balance between me making sure that I’m okay just with me being by myself. Right?
Trey:
Sure.
Angie:
Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
So I think there’s a balance. Mhmm.
Trey:
Now do you think that your background because you have you are a therapist. Do you think that background helped with with those
Ilene Smith:
With all of it? Like, the
Trey:
With the way that No. The way that you handled it? I mean, would that be the way you would tell someone to handle it if you were on the other side?
Ilene Smith:
I did what I would definitely do to guide someone.
Trey:
Uh-huh.
Ilene Smith:
But I didn’t. I think that along the way, like, as a trained therapist, I also was you know, I was a patient of all different kinds of therapeutic modalities, including somatic experiencing, which is what I had specialized in. I don’t have any practice, which I’ll tell you about. Mhmm. Now I’m doing other things. But you never know what you’re being prepared for. And so much of my work as a patient was learning how to find my safety within rather than, you know, being anxiously attached. Because I had a lot of anxious attachment that I was working through in my marriage. And, so you know, you have to when you’re working through an anxious attachment because that, you know, goes back into all the childhood stuff.
Ilene Smith:
Right. You know, the only way to really work through the anxious attachment is learning how to attach to yourself differently. And so much of my work, in my marriage, you know, the inner work that I had to do was learning how to find my own safety no matter where my husband was emotionally. Like, if he was stressed or he was in a bad mood, that didn’t matter. I had to be able to take ownership of myself and not depend on him for my inner safety.
Trey:
Right.
Ilene Smith:
So when he died, excuse me, the whole journey was about, I’m still safe in here.
Trey:
Yep.
Ilene Smith:
I’m still safe even though he’s not here.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
So that was so much of my personal transformational work, and then he died. Mhmm.
Trey:
So you were married at 40. Is that correct?
Ilene Smith:
Yes.
Trey:
Mhmm. And you had so you had 8 years. Now do you feel because I’m assuming there’s reasons that you waited. I I waited longer to get married myself. It was a conscious decision. Do you feel like you were almost robbed, like, of that experience?
Ilene Smith:
It’s good I never felt like I was robbed. I felt like I was given what I was supposed to be given here.
Trey:
Okay.
Ilene Smith:
So I never looked at it like, why me?
Trey:
Like a victim kind of mentality.
Ilene Smith:
I always understood that, and maybe that was part of the spiritual awakening that I had, was that this is exactly how it’s supposed to be even though this isn’t how I had planned in my life. So I surrendered very quickly. Like, we have to do this. So I don’t know. I don’t know where that resilience came from, where that whole thing came from, but I do know that there was an awakening for me. And there was this course sort of this really interesting thing that happened. It was almost as though I realized that, you know, when a tree dies
Trey:
Mhmm. It
Ilene Smith:
spreads its seeds.
Trey:
Right.
Ilene Smith:
And so it almost felt like he spread his seeds for me to grow in ways that I never would have grown on my own. I never would be the person I am today if I had not gone through that.
Trey:
Sure.
mixed:
Yes. Yeah.
Trey:
It’s such a great way to look at it.
Ilene Smith:
Oh, yeah.
Angie:
I’m in awe. Thank you. So that’s just, you know, and I sit here and I think about the way that I felt in it was the complete opposite of that. And so I like I’m just taking it all in that, you know, you’re you’re just, you’re so smart and that you had those tools to do that. I just think that if I don’t it’s very powerful.
Ilene Smith:
Thank you. Very, very powerful. I I went to have those tools at 25. Oh. I would definitely not have had those tools at 25. Yeah. But I knew, like, I guess somewhere inside of me, I knew that if I want it to be okay, it’s gonna be up to me to make it okay. Right.
Ilene Smith:
Like, nobody else now. Like, this next journey or this next chapter is now about me, not about a partnership. It’s about what I create in the life that I want to design. Right. Yeah.
Angie:
And so what is that? Wow. It’s a good question. So
Ilene Smith:
So I talked about it a little with you. So I was a trauma therapist for many years. I authored a book called Moving Beyond Trauma, an Amazon bestseller. You can get on Amazon.
Trey:
No. This was after your husband This was
Ilene Smith:
This was in 2020. Okay. Yeah. And so after he died, I took a I I would say this. I was really passionate about the work I was doing, but I really immersed myself. And like we were talking earlier today about healing, so much of my own healing happened in helping other people.
Trey:
Yeah. Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And I I decided, in 2,000 I guess it’s, like, 2018. I’d like to write a book to help people understand the importance of bringing the body into the healing process and what and why we can’t heal just through our minds. We haven’t had to be body-mind connected.
Trey:
Mhmm. So
Ilene Smith:
that’s why I wrote the book, and it really kind of unpacks it for the layperson or somebody who’s been in therapy
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And is spinning their wheels, and they can’t understand why they’re not getting the work to where they wanna go. Right. Because, like, trauma is not necessarily about an event. It’s about the energy that gets locked in your body around real or perceived threats.
mixed:
Mhmm. Oh,
Ilene Smith:
So yeah. So you you see the mind will try to hijack the body and override
Trey:
For protection.
Ilene Smith:
For protection. Right? Our our that’s what’s the number one job of our brains Yeah. To survive.
Trey:
To survive. Uh-huh.
Ilene Smith:
But that energy, that all that stored energy is still on the body. Yeah. So so, anyway, so I wrote the book 2020, and I, you know, had a successful practice. But somewhere along the way, probably around 2020, I started playing around in the world of psychedelic medicine and started taking my own journey there. I knew I needed to have, like, the whole other level of healing that needed to be done. Mhmm.
Trey:
And
Ilene Smith:
I knew that I wasn’t getting to it. And I said, I don’t know what’s gonna do it, but I was introduced to psychedelic medicine. And I I took a deep dive in there. And there’s always work to do, but when I started on that journey, I still had so much fear about really showing up for myself. I say three things. And this is part of the new work that I’ve created called the truth method. Fear, shame, and self betrayal. And those when we can get access to those pieces of ourselves that we turn away from.
Trey:
Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
Because we all turn away from the things we fear. Right? The ways we shame ourselves and how we betray ourselves. And so I started unraveling all of that within myself.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And that’s led me now to to the process of of what I’m gonna do now, which is I’m launching, retreats for successful entrepreneurs
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And I’m through this work called the truth method. And, you know, I’m I’m really ready now to be speaking more
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And be on stage and facilitate workshops, from all this material because this is the material that I’ve used to help clients through the years. And then I and then I kind of, manualized the process and took myself through it and used psychedelic medicine as a part of the tool for that. And I was really able to reveal to myself a whole bunch of things that I didn’t wanna reveal.
Trey:
Oh.
Ilene Smith:
And that’s what this is. It’s a revelation. That’s what the method is. It’s about a reveal.
Trey:
I read a book just recently, and they were talking about how the one thing that shame hates is getting words wrapped around it.
Ilene Smith:
I love that. Yeah. One thing that shame hates is getting words.
Trey:
You can’t survive with words around it. You know, you start talking about the shame, it just doesn’t survive.
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. It’s like the thing that they say in AA. Right? Our secrets are sickness.
Trey:
Yes. Sick is your secret. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
But I like that with the words. Yeah.
Trey:
Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
It’s true because everything you know, where do we go wrong in our lives? Like, when we get ourselves when I say go wrong, get ourselves into trouble. Mhmm. It’s always when it’s those three things. It’s when we betray ourselves.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
Right? Things go sideways.
Trey:
Yep. Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
Right? Somewhere, even if it doesn’t happen in the short term, in the long run, that always but we betray ourselves, which then leads to shame, which leads to more secrets, which leads to more hiding from ourselves.
Trey:
Absolutely. I lived it, you know, with my alcoholism and hiding it from my family. I lived that every day and the more you do, the guilt you feel. You know, the deeper you get, the more you think you can’t get out of it. So, yeah, absolutely understand that.
Ilene Smith:
Just keep hiding from yourself.
Trey:
Yes.
mixed:
Yeah. Wow.
Trey:
Yeah. So Wow. And so the truth method, that’s something you came up with?
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. This is a new process. Okay. Yeah. So I’m gonna get a book out next year and
Trey:
Those are, like, patented and, like, how do you how do you do something like that is
Ilene Smith:
Well, I haven’t patented yet. So I don’t know if you can. I have to find out, but it’s it’s, you know, I have there’s a whole program around it.
Angie:
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
I I’ve created a whole program
Angie:
around it. And that’s what you’ll do these retreats
Ilene Smith:
around. Okay. So the retreats and the workshops. So it’s all it’s it’s all of, like, stuff like last week, I did a retreat, a retreat, a workshop, a 6 hour workshop Uh-huh. For a group on just self betrayal. And we took a deep dive into self betrayal, and they got to really uncover things that they probably have never said out loud and they shared with the group members.
Trey:
Is that pretty emotional?
Ilene Smith:
Oh, yeah. We had tears everywhere.
Trey:
And this is the man you primarily work with. So you have
Ilene Smith:
Men and this was actually, this group was coed. But Okay. But for the retreats, I’m gonna do I’m gonna do successful entrepreneurs. I’ve worked with that population for
Trey:
a
Ilene Smith:
It’s been a very long time. Okay. Okay. So I feel like it’s my calling. And I also feel like a lot of that there’s not that population is underserved to have really safe nurturing space.
mixed:
Mhmm. Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
So I just feel like those are my people, and I wanna really serve them.
mixed:
Right. Yeah.
Angie:
So And
Ilene Smith:
I was and I was married to a successful entrepreneur. So I know I know the personality for that.
Angie:
That comes with that. Right? I do. Yeah. Because you had mentioned that you had to no matter what he was going through at the time, you still had to, like
Ilene Smith:
Find my safety.
Trey:
Yes.
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. Be in my safety.
Angie:
Yeah. And so you’re you’re transferring that to the work that you’re doing now, which is
mixed:
Oh, yeah.
Angie:
Amazing.
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. I’m really, really excited about this. I I know that this work is universal. Mhmm.
Trey:
Because
Ilene Smith:
it’s it’s we all wind up at some point in our lives. Those elements come in. No matter who you are
Angie:
or what you’ve been through or yes. It is something that is common for everyone. Right?
Ilene Smith:
We all we’re because it’s part of what we call the shadow, the parts of ourselves we wish did not exist.
mixed:
Okay. Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
Right? But when we can go in there and be with those parts and nurture those parts and understand how we became that, we that that that that’s how that we became or that how that part became something of us. Mhmm. Right? Because where it comes from is our childhood. See, if you think about it, we’re born into this world with no discernment between ourselves and our environment. Mhmm. But the moment our environment, whether it’s parents, peers, siblings, society Mhmm. Accuse us that there’s something wrong with us, that we’re not okay because we do x, y, and z.
Trey:
Right.
Ilene Smith:
In order for us to feel safe, we’ll detach. We’ll abandon that part of ourselves to be in a relationship with the primary caregivers or siblings or your peers, whoever it is. So, like, for example, if a kid is bullied.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
Okay? And he wants to be at some point, he wants to be accepted. At some point, he’s gonna go and do a bunch of things that he doesn’t wanna do to be liked by the other kids.
Trey:
Right. Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
Or if you have a parent who just takes this example, a narcissistic parent.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
K? Which doesn’t allow you generally doesn’t allow space for a child to have any emotions. Right? What does that child do in order number 1 that number 1 thing that child needs is safety. So in order to feel safe, what that child will do is they will give up their emotional needs Yep. To be in a relationship with that parent.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And then what happens is that that becomes conditioning or what I like to say is it becomes imprinted.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And then they move into adult relationships, and they never share or they don’t real they don’t under they don’t feel safe enough
Trey:
Right.
Ilene Smith:
To share their feelings or they wind up in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t allow them. Right? We tend to repeat what’s familiar. Right?
Trey:
We tend
Ilene Smith:
to repeat what’s familiar. So all of that happens. So if you think about that, now we’re in our adult lives.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And it’s how we do it so the process is about revealing all the things to yourself that you don’t wanna reveal. Because once we reveal them, we can work with them. Mhmm. And they lose their charge. They really do lose their charge. Sure. Like what you’re saying. I love that shame.
Trey:
What is it?
Ilene Smith:
Say that? Say it again. That that shame that with words around it
Trey:
wrapped Yeah. Wrapped in words.
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. Can’t survive. Survive. It’s so good.
Trey:
Yeah. Yeah.
Angie:
But I guess, like, it’s very similar to, like, what you went through. Like, what she’s kinda talking about, like, you tapped into those things from your childhood and things like that. Right?
Trey:
Yeah.
Angie:
You know, with your yeah. That makes sense.
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. You gotta go in there. I mean, there’s like as I said earlier, there’s no way past other than through. Mhmm.
Trey:
Yep. And, you know, so, like, when I lost my mom, because that was kind of the point I started, you know, going down the drinking path and but I just kinda acted like I was fine. And I was told that by, you know, my father.
Ilene Smith:
That you were fine? Mhmm.
Trey:
Yeah. I asked him. I said, why did we never see somebody? You know? And, obviously, it wasn’t a big thing back then, but it was also he said that you acted like everything was fine.
Ilene Smith:
Yep. So I’d be curious to know if, as a child, was there a lot of space for you to have your emotions?
Trey:
I’m sure there was. I don’t know that I’d it wasn’t something that was, like, taken away like you had mentioned. It wasn’t something I wasn’t allowed to do, but it was something I felt like maybe I could handle or, you
Ilene Smith:
know what I’m saying?
Trey:
Whatever whatever it was. I don’t I don’t know. But I know that, you know, it caught up with me later in life, obviously. And luckily, I survived it, you know, with with the support of my family, but it was also, you know, my message I always say to parents who, who might have lost their significant other with a young child and adolescence or even, you know, younger than that, that they’re not okay.
mixed:
Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
They’re not. It’s the piece too. Right? Like, if there wasn’t a lot of expression of emotion in your house, where would you learn to express your emotion?
Trey:
Right. Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
Right? So it sounds like that might have been more of what happened there. Yes.
Trey:
It could be. Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
Because, you know, kids do what they see, not what they’re told. Yes.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Angie:
Right? Yes. True.
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. It’s huge.
Trey:
No. I want my alcoholic range to go back to the psychedelics a little bit. Okay. I wanna know more about how that plays into it and, you know, is this all in the United States? Is that something that’s allowed? Like, I you know, I wanna
Ilene Smith:
know more about the United States.
Trey:
Okay.
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. So alright. So let the thing with here’s the thing with psychedelic medicine, and I see this over and over. Psychedelic medicine is only as good as the preparation before the medicine and the integration afterwards. Because a lot of people, what they do is they go have some psychedelic experience and journey and, like, they think it’s, like, all cured.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
But it’s it’s it’s never it’s it’s the medicine really needs to be used to help bring about what’s already inside of you.
Trey:
Right.
Ilene Smith:
But you can’t, you you know, you can’t make meaning of it without the prep and the integration. So it’s really important to have the work on either side because I see so many people just have, you know, this incredible experience and then they’re just chasing the next journey.
Trey:
Right. And it’s not about me. I’m assuming it’s not about going out and getting that high feeling. It’s more about getting deep within yourself. Right?
Ilene Smith:
About going really deep into the subconscious. Yeah. Yeah. And and the medicines, what they do is they help to rewire the neural pathways of the brain.
Trey:
Mhmm. Yes. And I’ve heard that, I’ve heard that a lot. It was something I was, I can’t remember what it was called.
mixed:
I don’t I don’t It
Trey:
was the frog.
Ilene Smith:
Oh, combo. Combo. But yeah. The combo.
Trey:
The frog frog poison and all that. Yeah. There’s yeah.
Ilene Smith:
Well, the frog poison, they burn holes on your skin, and they put the medicine on top. And then, like, 20 minutes later, you’re puking.
Trey:
I heard that.
Ilene Smith:
That’s right.
Trey:
It doesn’t sound fun.
Ilene Smith:
That was the first one I did.
Trey:
Okay.
Ilene Smith:
It was bad.
Trey:
It was bad.
Ilene Smith:
I don’t like it, I mean, I’m not saying it’s not helpful Sure. But it wasn’t my medicine. Just to say, you know, because you resonate with different things. Okay. It wasn’t something that resonated with me, but it’s very effective.
mixed:
Oh. Yeah.
Trey:
I I think it’s so innovative that you’re you that you are you’re bringing that into, you know, the world of therapy because I I I think there was just such a bad stigma put on a lot of that stuff, especially if I understand, like, in the seventies when they were doing, like, the the, you know, no drug stuff. I think it was in it. I don’t know.
Ilene Smith:
It was, Nixon and Reagan. Right. Nixon and Reagan. And the reason why all of these psychedelics are now coming back into favor is because they’re getting government funding and they’re seeing how effective they are. But I think it was Nixon, when they were at war, what happened was all these young men were doing psychedelic medicine and they didn’t wanna go to war. They were finding, like, love and peace.
Trey:
Sure.
Ilene Smith:
And so they they cut off all of the research, the government research
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
To do all the, you know, psychedelic research and essentially, you know, created a whole campaign to say no to drugs. Say you know, and it was just a way for the government to control these young men to go to not, you know, forcing them to go to war during the draft.
Trey:
Sure. Sure.
Ilene Smith:
And then, you know, Reagan and Nancy Reagan jumped on that band.
Trey:
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yep.
Ilene Smith:
Yep. So it’s kinda cool. I don’t know if you know this, but I’m familiar with what’s going on with MDMA.
Trey:
Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
So MDMA just, they’ve been trying to get it legalized for therapeutic purposes, and it just got rejected. But Rick Doblin, who runs MAPS, as you know, he’s not gonna give up. Mhmm.
Trey:
Yeah. I’ve heard such good things about and now and what I think people need to understand too is that, you know, what you find out on the street, so that’s not MDMA any MDMA anymore. That’s you know? But I’ve read an article about the guy who actually came up with it was, you know, the doctor that used to try all this stuff.
Ilene Smith:
Did you
Trey:
Do you know what I’m talking about?
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. But there was, I don’t know if you saw the docuseries. Oh my god.
Trey:
I’m sorry. On Netflix?
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. But I can’t remember forgetting the guy’s name Michael oh my god. I’m totally blanking. But we can look after you guys in the notes. But it’s a great documentary, docu series on all the different psychedelic medicines and how LSD was discovered
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
And, like, a lab somewhere in Europe. It’s actually quite interesting. Yeah. They talk about Ayahuasca.
Trey:
Ayahuasca. That was the one I was talking about, Ayahuasca.
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. Mhmm. Oh. So it’s pretty fascinating.
Trey:
Oh, wow.
Ilene Smith:
But I mean, the, you know, the plant medicines have been used for, you know, 100 and 100 of years
Trey:
True. In
Ilene Smith:
tribes and which is, you know, they’re power they’re powerful tools for healing.
Trey:
Yep. In the right hands. Absolutely.
mixed:
Yeah.
Trey:
Yeah. So like I said, I commend you for doing that. And Yeah. I mean, you’re going out on a limb and, but it sounds like that, you know, your truth method and everything, I mean, obviously, it did wonders, you know, for you, and you’ve tested it yourself. I mean, that’s you know?
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. Thank you. Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. It’s exciting.
mixed:
Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
I know. I’m excited to bring this work out and, and share it. Yeah. Because I know I know how powerful these things are when you get through them. Because, you know, you feel the sense of there’s expansion. Like, you know, you get to be in expansionary states and see that there’s more beyond what you think you can do. Mhmm.
Trey:
And
Ilene Smith:
That’s, I think, what makes them powerful.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
Gives you courage.
Trey:
True.
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. Yeah. You know, it breaks down those barriers.
mixed:
Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow.
Angie:
This is so awesome. You’re just a wealth of knowledge.
Trey:
Yeah.
Angie:
And I just think that your perspective is gonna be so much for the audience and just different avenues, I think, that you’ve taken yourself to, to heal. Thank you. I think they’re just powerful. I know for me, that it’s just sitting here, I could listen to you all day. Thank you.
Ilene Smith:
Well, I think I think the thing is it’s like, if you don’t try Yeah. You never know. Right? Like and so what would you rather do I wanna have regrets
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
That I didn’t try something or I didn’t try to make myself better or transform or bring more consciousness to myself. Like, I don’t see. At this point in my life, like, that doesn’t even feel like a choice. Because once you start once you start uncovering and discovering and and find find yourself, everything else and and find your like, I guess, I would just say find your truth and and find find who you are
Trey:
and the authenticity, everything else comes easier after that.
Ilene Smith:
It just falls into place. Easier after that. It just falls into place. Right? Sure. Yeah. It’s like it’s like
Trey:
and I said this to this
Ilene Smith:
group last week. I’m like, once you love yourself Mhmm. Everything else everything else is
Trey:
secondary. Mhmm.
mixed:
Yeah. So true.
Ilene Smith:
I believe that. Right?
Trey:
Yeah. So true.
Ilene Smith:
But, you know, we make it more complicated. But if you like and think about it. Right? If you don’t put your oxygen mask on first 1st.
Trey:
Mhmm. I
Ilene Smith:
I think it’s like, you know, it’s simple.
Trey:
It’s
Ilene Smith:
really but I think we get scared. You know? We get scared and we worry about what other people are gonna think and how it is gonna look. And, I mean, you know, the million stories that we tell ourselves.
mixed:
Mhmm. No.
Trey:
I still like, that’s that that’s always been my biggest block, you know, what are other people gonna think? And that’s, you know, that’s why I I didn’t share my story, until just, you know, just recently publicly because I was always, you know, worried what, you know, the the stigma on, you know, alcoholism and and addiction and things like that that it was, you know, what are people gonna think. And what I didn’t realize is what people think is how I’m gonna be able to help people. Mhmm. Right? And and, you know, so
Ilene Smith:
And what about this part? Like, how many people embraced you for sharing and having the courage to share your story?
Trey:
Yeah. Mhmm. No. Absolutely. Yeah. And the opportunity that it’s actually given me to to help others that have come to me. You know, I’ve been to conferences where they you know, I’ll say something on stage, and they’ll come up with me afterwards and say, you know, I haven’t even told my husband, but I’ve I’ve got this problem and, you know, I’m I’m trying to stop now, you know, and just
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. It’s
Angie:
huge. Right? It’s huge. It’s huge.
Ilene Smith:
And, like, it’s I mean, even think about this, you know, you go to AA. Right? At a certain point, you don’t really need the meetings.
Trey:
Right.
Ilene Smith:
You know, but the community is obviously a beautiful thing, but the piece of you goes because you never really know who you’re gonna be helping when you walk into those rooms.
Trey:
Absolutely. And you had said something that because you were healing yourself by helping others. And, Angie, you said the same thing. Mhmm. And I think people discount that too much because it truly is one of the best healers out there is getting outside of yourself to help someone else. Huge. Yep. And that’s exactly how I was able to get sober.
mixed:
Right.
Trey:
One of the major tools that I used. Wow. So I think that, you know, for anybody, you know, it’s such a powerful tool.
Angie:
Well and I think that’s why I like sitting here listening to you. I’m just so that you were able to do that. Like, I’m, you know, because I wasn’t, and I’m I’m further along, you know, my journey. And I just now feel like that’s where I’m at. So I love hearing that, you know, and, and that you’re able to speak to maybe those other women that are in the exact same place that I was 19 years ago, and they can start so much sooner. And you know that they are sharing that. It’s just so Thank you. Yes.
Angie:
It just makes me so happy because I wish that I had this when I was 25. You know?
Ilene Smith:
Thank you. Yeah. I’m telling you, I never at 25, I would have been a very hot mess. Yes. It
Angie:
yes. They were. I mean, even for you just to speak about I mean, because there’s so much I don’t remember. I don’t, I don’t remember so much of it. Right? And for you to say that you just dove in, and I don’t know. It’s just so, I’m in awe. Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. But I will tell you this, and you and I had a similar experience. We were widowed very suddenly.
Angie:
Right? So
Ilene Smith:
I always have this vision of, it was like somebody like, the universe just tapped my husband on the shoulder and just yanked him out. So we didn’t get a chance for the unwinding or closure or anything like this. So if you go back to what trauma is, too much, too soon, too fast without any way to defend or protect yourself.
Trey:
Mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
Oh. And that will basically, your mind and body will essentially protect you, and that’s why you don’t remember. It’s why a lot of children that have had a lot of childhood trauma, they’ll tell you they don’t remember.
Angie:
They don’t remember. Yep.
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. So it’s the brain protecting you from the experience.
Angie:
Right. And and I and I’ve heard that, you know, through all the things, you know, and then I would sit with other other widows, ones that, you know, their husbands, you know, they they died of cancer and they were their caretakers and and they can’t imagine the suddenness of how I experienced it versus, you know, I can’t imagine the long
Ilene Smith:
Oh my god. That’s what I think that, like, in some ways because I’ve asked myself that question too. Like Yes. Was it better this way? And to be honest, for me, yes. Because to have to take care of somebody in a slow death and watching them suffer and knowing they’re gonna die like, my dad my dad had cancer, and he died 4 years ago. And he didn’t suffer till the end, but in the end it was kinda bad. But if I couldn’t imagine, like Me either. You know, that would be so hard.
Angie:
I know. I sat with those other women, and I just cried thinking, I don’t know how you did that. And then they’re like, well, you didn’t say goodbye. You know? It’s just you know?
Ilene Smith:
It’s which one? Neither one is good, but it’s but it’s the reality of life. Right. And as women, you know, we are you know, statistics show that we outlive men as it is. So chances are, right, that
Angie:
That’s gonna happen. Happen. Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
Yeah. Yeah.
Trey:
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I had a similar experience. My dad recently passed from cancer, and it was a long battle. He battled it, but, and he didn’t suffer. Yeah. So but it was still because, you know, so now I’ve had one of each of my parents. One was sudden through a car accident, and then my father went through cancer.
Trey:
So there’s nothing better or worse about it. They’re just both terrible. Yeah.
mixed:
Yeah. Mhmm. I know.
Ilene Smith:
It’s it’s I mean, it depends what you believe in. I’ve got my own feelings about it, but death is hard for the ones that are left behind.
Trey:
Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
It’s horrible for us. Yes.
Trey:
Yeah. So
Angie:
And the more you love, it’s just it’s bound to, right, happen and mhmm.
Ilene Smith:
But, you know, it’s up to us to keep that relationship alive and create a different connection and a different kind of life. I never think of my husband. I don’t like it, we’re still connected.
Trey:
Mhmm. It’s
Ilene Smith:
just a different kind of connection.
Trey:
Yeah.
Ilene Smith:
Same with my dad. Mhmm.
mixed:
Yeah. Oh my gosh.
Angie:
Well, how can we support you and, you know, like, our audience? Like, we’re just so grateful that you’re here and the wealth of knowledge that you’ve brought to this space. So, you know, what how can we help you and
Ilene Smith:
Just, you can share my Instagram. It’s Eileen Smith. Eileen is I l e n e, or eileen smith.com. So if anyone’s interested in learning more about me or the workshops, retreats. Yeah. And all of that.
Angie:
And also your book. Your And
Ilene Smith:
my book, it’s Yes. On Amazon.
Trey:
Okay. Yes. We’ll link everything Awesome. For for a part of
Ilene Smith:
the list.
Angie:
Episode. Absolutely. You guys are awesome. Oh, no. We are so grateful that we have met you. And, I just know that this is a wealth of knowledge for everybody that’s listening, and we just thank you so much for being here with us in this space. Yes. Thank you.
Angie:
So Yeah. Just wonderful. Very wonderful.
Trey:
Thank you
Ilene Smith:
so much.
Angie:
Yes. Thank you guys so much for tuning into this episode of resilience reborn. And, until next time.
Trey:
Thanks.
